“I asked the boys to come in the house with me. We walked from the barn back to the house together. I was keeping the biggest secret of my life from them, and as much as I wanted to I could not keep it in any longer. I wish I could have gone days, even weeks, without telling them. I wish I could have prolonged their innocence, yet it was not our reality. Our reality was that we were about to be known as the widow and children of fallen San Jose Police Officer Michael J. Katherman. We were no longer simply April, Joshua, and Jason Katherman.

I told the boys to come with me into me and their dad’s bedroom. My parents and grandparents each gave me a look before I took another long, terrifying walk like the one I had just taken down the hallway of the hospital into his room. This time it was down the hallway of our house and into our bedroom. Their looks confirmed that they were praying for us. I instantly noticed Mike’s shoes in the corner. His dirty clothes hanging off the hamper. His pillow that he would never lay his head on next to me again. All I wanted to do was throw myself on our bed and sob, but I could not. I had to break my boys’ hearts instead.”  

After making some changes to chapter five of my book, I sent it back to my editor. As of right now the chapter is titled, Heaven Must Have Needed a Hero. In this chapter, I share the details of when I told my sons their daddy is never coming home.

So far, this chapter has been the hardest for me to rework. I get through a couple paragraphs and I need to stop and take a break. It is hard to relive this moment over and over. It may have been the hardest thing I have and will ever have to do in my life… break my sons’ hearts.

My writing coach wanted me to dig deeper in this chapter. To bring out more of the internal dialog I had with myself prior to sitting the boys down that evening. The terrified, worried, and devastating thoughts.

It took some extra time for me to send back this chapter. I ended up adding into it an excerpt from my journal, which I started writing in about five months after Mike died. What could be more real and internal than my inner most thoughts documented.

While writing and re-reading these hard moments I started thinking about all the people who I wish could read this chapter and even this book when it is completed. The people protesting in hate for law enforcement. The people who have absolutely no respect for the men and women who bravely put on their uniforms and continue to do their best to keep these exact people who hate them safe. The people who think all police officers are their enemies.

If only these people had a glimpse into the nightmare the family of a fallen officer lives through. A glimpse of the moment the children are told their mom or dad is never coming home. Would it change their mind? Would it soften their hearts? Sadly, I am not sure if it would. I am not sure if they would even care. As unfathomable as it is to consider, they may enjoy the glimpse.

I completed my manuscript last month. I am now in the editing phase. It is quite the process. A process that is mentally and emotionally draining. It is also healing, incredibly healing. My writing coach has this way of being able to pull more out of me than I thought I was ever capable of writing, let alone sharing with others.

When I signed with my publisher, Redemption Press and began writing, the current hate on law enforcement had barely begun. Since then it has spun out of control. It makes me sad.

I have written a book in detail about my life. My life depicts the exact wish many awful people in this world have. A wish to see a police officer dead.

If all goes as planned the book will be released beginning of 2021. I can not wait for the day. God’s timing is always perfect. I am beginning to see His plan for this book unfolding. With the hate surrounding our heroes in blue, there is even more reason for me to share my story.

Just maybe I can change the mind of even one, Lord willing more, person out there who supports the current war on law enforcement. Maybe I can show them these men and women are real people with real families who need them to come home at the end of the day. Real people who are more than just their uniform. And real people who will risk their lives to protect those very people who hate them… just like my officer did.