We arrived at the SAP center.

 

Every single San Jose Police Officer, recruit, dispatcher, and even PD retirees lined the street, standing in attention as we drove in to the back entrance.  This entrance was also where the San Jose Sharks hockey team entered. This made for a little bit of excitement for the boys since we are Sharks fans. Mike had taken the boys to lots of games, so to them, this was like a stadium tour. We were escorted to a small room where we stayed until it was “game time”.

 

 

I knew that venue would be filled with thousands of people, and swarmed with media, but I wasn’t prepared for what I would see as we exited the room. We walked into a long hallway and followed the bagpipe players.

 

I now hate the sound of bagpipes.

 

I walked with our boys on either side of me, holding my hands, following behind my husband in his flag- draped casket.

 

What had always been such an exciting venue to be in together to see Sharks games, the Harlem Globe Trotters, a few circuses and Disney on Ice was now a solemn, quiet, piece of hell I was about to enter.

I held my boys’ hands tightly as we followed their dad down that long center aisle to our front row seats. 

 

This event we had planned for all week had finally arrived.

  

 

Part of me wanted to soak in every moment and the other part wanted to run as fast as I could out of there, dragging Mike’s casket along with me.

 

 But it really ended up being perfect.

 

It was the most perfect tribute to the most perfect-to-me man.

 

The stage looked awesome. It was so important to me that this would be personalized to Mike. So the boys picked out what was going to fill that huge stage. There was a police car, a vintage police car, a police motorcycle, Mike’s dirt bike, Mike’s kayak, a basketball hoop with a ball signed by all the motors unit guys Mike worked with, Mike’s guitars, and pictures blown up on easels of him and our family.

It was beautiful, and it was designed by the boys.

 

I remember saying to myself, repeatedly, “Lord help me” through the whole service.

 

At one-point, Josh lost it and that was one of the hardest parts. The other was a video of Mike that I was not expecting to be played. I never even knew it existed.

 

It was him, a handsome twenty-three-year-old police recruit, being interviewed.

 

He was asked who had helped him get this far through the police academy.

 

He said my name. I sat there watching my handsome husband talk about how supportive I was. I heard his voice again, his laugh, and saw his smile. It was both a blessing and a curse.

 

Hours later, we had made it through the most beautiful tribute to our hero. A tribute that gave all the glory to God and praised His name.

 

As hard as it was, it was a day that I will always treasure and recognize as the day that began my new reality.