To the man who comes into a widow’s life after the death of her husband, I want you to know that you are in for a journey unlike any other.

This journey will test you more than you most likely have ever been tested. You will experience ultimate lows and challenges. You may question your decision to take this leap.  The decision to love a woman who will always love another man.

She will be judged for falling in love with you. She will be told she must have never loved her late husband if she can marry another man after his death. That will hurt her to the core. You will be judged for being that man. Yet, there will be many who support your relationship and your love for each other. Many who thank you for making her smile again and are genuinely happy you found each other.

To the man who comes after, I hope you are ready for tears. Tears that come out of nowhere and can’t be explained. Tears you will think you caused, but please know you didn’t.

You are going to hear many of the same stories over and over again about her husband. You will even see a lot of the same pictures. Always listen and always look. Even if you could tell the story yourself since you have heard it so many times, listen like it was the first. These are the only memories she has. She doesn’t get to create any newer ones like she will with you.

You will need to understand and be patient with her widow brain. Yes, this is a real thing. She will forget things, be easily confused, seem to be in a daze and just plain can’t think straight. Her brain has experienced trauma and there will be times when she just seems a bit slower than normal. She knows, you don’t have to point it out, patience is all she needs.

To the man who comes after, you will feel like you have big shoes to fill. Often the husband and dad if she has children become this perfect almost trophy husband that was once the center of their lives. It may feel this way since that’s how she makes it sound. This is because she carries so much guilt if she says anything different. Of course, their marriage was most likely amazing and full of so much love, but it also had its challenges like any marriage does. They argued, they messed up with the kids, there were times when they probably downright didn’t like each other so don’t think it was all something perfect that you can never attain to. For her she chooses to focus on all the good and those perfect-to-her times she had with him and that’s what you will hear the most.

You may watch her with the friends she had when she was married to him, their friends. She will act differently. Maybe smile more, seem to be happier or even more outgoing. Don’t take it personally. They are her comfort zone and give her a sense of and familiarity that was all stripped from her.

To the man that comes after, here is the best part. You will experience more love than you ever have before. Her perspective on life and how precious it is will provide you with so much loyal, passionate, steadfast, genuine, wholehearted love that is unlike any other. Yes, she may always love another man but that will never discount how much she loves you here and now. Please don’t ever forget that.

Know that you are one brave man. For choosing to love her, and all that comes with her. She may be the strongest woman you know, but inside she is weak. Her heart is fragile, and she is more sensitive than she has ever been in her life. These feelings are new to her, and she often doesn’t feel like herself. She carries a suitcase around with her wherever she goes that is pretty heavy. When you come alongside and help her lift up that handle to lighten the weight it means more to her than I think you may ever realize.

To the man who comes into a widow’s life after the death of her husband, you are one lucky guy. You will truly be cherished and adored because this woman that you have fallen in love with knows you can be taken from her in an instant. Her outlook on life and love is unlike any other. So, I tell you as a widow who is now a wife again, you are not just her “after” you are everything that comes with her present. You are the love of her life right here and right now.

*(Dedicated to my husband, David. Thank you for loving all of me.)*