Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix. It was about a young widow with two children who found love again after her loss. For obvious reasons I was drawn to the movie and description. There was a scene in the movie where I found myself reliving my own life through the character. It was when the widow struggled with her decision to take off her wedding ring.

After her husband died she still wore her ring. Up to this point there had been no consideration or thought put into why or when she would ever take it off. Until one day while checking out at the grocery store the clerk commented on her ring and began to ask questions about her husband. She found herself not knowing how to answer. Her responses were, yes, I am married. No, my husband isn’t here. No, he didn’t leave me. She began to become overwhelmed and could not bring herself to just tell the lady her husband had passed away. Instead she panicked, ran out of the store, and found herself sobbing in her car. This moment was the first time she began the internal struggle of whether to continue to wear her wedding ring or take it off.

As the movie progressed, she and her children began to heal together. Glimpses of happiness and joy became more evident in their lives again. One evening after a day of laughter and building new memories with her children she sat alone in her room. Her thoughts were heavy. She gently slid the wedding ring off her finger, placed it in its box, closed the lid, kissed it and tucked it away. It was as if she was giving herself permission to move forward in this new life she was now living with her children.

After Mike died, I still wore my wedding ring. I had no intentions of taking it off, ever. Anytime I was with another widow I would always check her hand to she if she were wearing her ring. Many of my widowed friends wore their wedding ring on the opposite hand, turned it into other pieces of jewelry or wore them on a chain around their neck. Others had tucked them away for their children. I will never forget sitting in a room full of other widows, scanning their hands and realizing I was the only one wearing her wedding ring. I am now embarrassed to say I judged them all. How could they move on so quickly? Don’t they still love their husband who died? I was so naïve.

Then my time came. It was a topic in therapy I wrestled with each week. I would wear it on my ring finger for a couple days, switch hands, wear it around my neck on a chain with Mike’s wedding band, or not wear it at all. Sometimes it would depend on where I was going. If I were with family, I would wear it on my wedding ring finger. When I was with my close group of friends, I would try to wear it on a chain around my neck. I was conflicted and no choice I made each day ever felt right.

The guilt I felt when I was not wearing it would overwhelm me. I also wondered what people would think. Would they be as naïve as I was? Would they think if I were not wearing my wedding ring I have moved on and I did not love Mike anymore? Absolutely ludicrous.

Eventually, just like the character in the movie I made the decision to take off my wedding ring. I placed in its box, closed the lid, kissed it, and put it in my safe. Recently, my bonus daughter asked about my wedding ring from Mike. I opened the safe, pulled out the ring box and showed her the shiny diamond set. She oohed and awed about how pretty it was, and it made me smile. A tiny piece of jewelry can hold such precious memories. Not seeing it in so long made me miss that ring I had worn for so many years.

My birthday was this month and as David always does, he spoiled me. This year he added an extra special gift to the mix. A second wedding band to add to the beautiful engagement ring he proposed to me with and the diamond wedding band he placed on my finger on our wedding day. Because my husband on earth is simply amazing and loves me so well, he had a thought out reason behind his gift. He wanted me to have a second wedding band to wear on my finger to represent my first marriage to my husband in Heaven. His wish is for me to look at my hand and see the circle of undying love not once but twice on my finger. One band to symbolize my marriage to him and the other my marriage to Mike.

David had no clue I recently pulled my wedding ring out of the safe and showed it to his daughter. He had no clue I felt a little sense of loss again when I showed her the ring which symbolized my marriage to Mike.

God knew. God knew exactly how to utilize this man He hand picked as my husband on earth. How much it would mean to me to be given such a special and selfless gift. A tiny piece of jewelry to help keep precious memories alive all while making new ones together.

I am beyond blessed to be able to look at my hand each day and see a beautiful wedding ring set which symbolizes I am a widow and a wife.