As the months went by I continued to fall more and more in love with David. Everything about him was so naturally easy to love. My boys started to build a relationship with him. I began to build a relationship with his son and daughter. All four of our kids were enjoying spending time together. With living an hour apart and having busy schedules, we still managed to make to make time for each other and our relationship continued to grow.
As easy as I make this all sound, we still had our struggles. My oldest son was still deep in his struggle with anxiety while my youngest was consumed with anger. David’s kids were getting used to their new routine of going back and forth from dad’s house to mom’s house. The loss of my husband was still fresh and David’s divorce from his wife was the same.
Even with all that we were going through I always felt like each transition came rather easily. I truly believe that this was only made possible because God was directing our paths the whole way.
I know people questioned, judged and worried about every decision I was making. Was she moving too fast? Does she really know this guy? Is she just lonely? Is she thinking clearly? Is this right for her boys? She is over Mike already?
It’s natural to think these things, especially when you want the best for someone. Yet a lot of times these kind of questions can come across as judgmental and really hurtful. For myself, all I could do was be confident in the fact that the only questions I needed to answer were those whispered to me from the Lord.
There were times when I just had to say to the people in my life: trust me. No one was going to truly understand my feelings of loss and love but me. I knew what I was doing and I knew what God was doing.
I may have been, and always will be, grieving my loss. It will never go away. But no one knows the conversations that Mike and I had about death, but me. No one knows the conversations I had with my boys about what we wanted out of our new unwanted life without their dad, but me. No one knows how deeply I prayed for God to direct the boys’ and my path and future according to His will, but me. I was seeking wise council through godly Christian woman and therapists on every decision I was making. I was getting advice from other widows who had been through my exact situation and who could help guide me with their experience. And even though I had been falling in love with a new man and was confident in the fact that he would be my last chapter, I was still missing Mike every single day.
No one knew how absolutely dedicated this new man in my life was. Not only dedicated to loving me and my boys but dedicated to always encouraging me to love Mike. Dedicated to keeping his memory alive for my boys. No one knew that he went and promised Mike he would always take care of us and do his absolute best to make Mike proud.
If I wasn’t already head over heels for this man, and positive that I was making all the right decisions in the lives of the boys and I moving forward in our relationship, seeing this sealed the deal.
As my love for David flourished, my love for Mike never diminished.
We were praying about marriage and the logistics of how we were going to build this new life of a blended family of six.
As the holidays approached I was excited to get to spend them with David and his kids. Over Thanksgiving we took a trip to Nevada to visit my parents. We had a great time out in the country along with my siblings and their families. Little did I know that during that trip to my parents’ David had asked my dad for my hand in marriage…
