My sons were only eight and ten years old when their dad was killed. Barely eight and ten. They each had just celebrated their birthdays two weeks prior.

Everything happened so fast. One morning our lives were perfect and by the afternoon our world was shattered.

As the days, months, and years continued without their dad I had no clue how to help my boys through their grief. I can only hope and pray I have made good decisions for them.

My boys are now twelve and fourteen. My oldest, Josh who is going on fifteen is developing into a mature, amazing young man right before my eyes. He is so much like his dad. It’s crazy how alike they are even with only getting ten years together. The progress Josh has made as he has worked through his grief over the years is pretty amazing. Life changing.

I thought it might be helpful if readers could get a different perspective on grief. One through the eyes of a child. Here are some wise words from my son. He is now a teenager, yet has been working though his grief since he was ten years old.

My Thoughts on Grief

-Written by Joshua Katherman, age 14 

The night my mom told me my dad had died was heartbreaking. I remember sitting in my parents room on their bed. My mom told me my dad wasn’t coming home and he was in Heaven. I cried. From that moment on my life would never be the same.

For almost two years I couldn’t leave my mom’s side or be without her. I would have major anxiety if she even went into the garage without telling me.  I was afraid something would happen to my mom. I was worried she was going to die too.

If I could give any advice to a child or teenager who is dealing with grief I would say try to find something that you love doing and try to be the best at it. That will help you take your mind off things. For me, it is basketball.  Also, try to make yourself better in any way you can. This could be through finding a new hobby, going to therapy, or spending time praying to God about your worries.   

I would tell the parent of a child who is grieving to invest in more time with your kid(s). In the beginning my mom would plan outings and trips for just the three of us… her, myself and my brother. I like that we got time away from all that was going on at home in a new environment away from everyone else. Traditions are also good to have too. It makes me looks forward to days like my dad’s birthday that could be really sad. On my dad’s birthday we always do things he liked to do and go to places he loved. 

Give your kids and yourself a stable environment. Once we finally settled in a new house after our house flooded, were back to our school routine, and back in sports I think we were really able to grieve and move forward. I also liked the steady friendships we had. So keep the same people around your kids who are familiar and who will support your family.  

Something my mom did that helped me was that she would tell me when she was really sad and having a hard day. Sometimes I would even see her cry. It was comforting because it made me know she was missing my dad too like I was. In the beginning she would try to hide in her room to cry and not tell me how she was feeling. I thought she was mad or didn’t miss my dad. So be open with your kids and tell them how sad you are too.

I am really glad my mom saved all my dad’s stuff. She even saved silly things like his underwear and razors. But it has given my brother and I the chance to choose what we want of his. We still have so much and I like going through it every now and then. I like that I can now wear some of his clothes too. 

To friends and extended family of grieving children I would say don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don’t tell the kids you will take them somewhere or come visit yet never do. It makes us feel like you don’t really care or you forgot about us. Also, treat them the same as they did before their parent died. I felt like people felt sorry for me in the beginning and treated me and talked to me like I was a baby. Just be normal around them like you have always been.

One more thing for the kids is that it may be weird when your mom or dad starts a new relationship with someone. It was for me at first. But if it is the right person it can really make your life so much better and make your mom or dad happy again and even you too. 

Life will get better it just takes time and patience. Make sure you keep telling the kids stories about their parent and keep making them laugh. I love hearing funny stories about my dad.  

I’m very proud of this young man of mine. Sometimes seeing a new perspective is helpful. I know he teaches me so much each and every day.