Even after almost 3 1/2 years I still have a hard time referring to Mike in the past tense. I tend to refer to and talk about him in the present tense as if he is still here. I originally titled this blog post, “He Would Have Been 38 Today” but something about the past tense of “would have been” still stings way too much.
Today Mike turns 38.
In our memories though, he will forever be 34. He will forever look to us like he is 34 years old. Our last pictures of him will forever be stuck in time at age 34.
Yet, our lives keep going. I keep getting older and our boys keep getting older… and way too fast I might add.
I decided very early on that if we have to continue this life on earth without him we were going to make the most of it. We would always keep his memory with us, always celebrate the special days and always say his name and talk about our precious memories with him even as if he were still here today.
So here I am sitting in paradise, beautiful Maui. The waves crashing in front of me and our kids playing around me. We continue our tradition of celebrating Mike’s birthday in a place that he loved. October, 2016, the boys and I took a trip to Maui for his 35th birthday. We’ve continued coming to Hawaii each year since. Even better now our whole blended family of 6, soon to be 7, enjoy this week together making new memories and remembering the old.
I find that when we have something exciting to look forward to when those hard days are approaching it makes it not as sad and not as hard as they could be. When we have happy and fun traditions each year on the days that could very well be incredibly un happy it helps us to push through and continue to heal in our grief.
Today on Mike’s 38th birthday we will celebrate him together, in a place that he loves, doing the activities he loves, eating his favorite foods, remembering him in the most happy ways while we continue to make new ones too.
And I will continue to tease him about how he will always be older than me.
Happy birthday, Mike. You are getting up there… almost 40. Another year older… than me. 😉 We miss you!
