We made it through Mike’s birthday week. On Oct. 18th Mike spent his 39th birthday in Heaven. His 5th birthday we celebrated without him here on earth.

This year was different. Instead of our traditional family trip to Hawaii for his birthday week we were home. This year has been full of disappointments thanks to ‘Rona. Having to cancel this trip just added to that list. We were all pretty bummed about it.

I was worried and even a little anxious about staying home and not being able to escape. I have made a habit for the last almost five years of escaping for the hard days. Being able to have something to look forward to and get away from all the reminders at home seems to take a little of the sting away. Is that the best way to handle grief and hard days? I don’t know… What I do know is that for my boys and I it has worked for us. Tradition, fun and new adventures to look forward to, remembering old and making new memories is what has gotten us through the hard days.

This year David and I took the boys dirt bike riding. We figured if we can’t be playing in the sand in a place where Mike loved then the next best thing would be playing in the dirt doing something he loved. Also, something the boys and him loved doing together.

Just our little family of seven spent Mike’s actual birthday at home together. First, we went and visited Mike at the cemetery in the morning. Then spent the day swimming in our pool, David barbequed the most delicious dinner for us and we pigged out on Mike’s favorite dessert, huge bowls of ice cream with all the toppings.

My sister also started a simple tradition five years ago, which I absolutely love. She sets up a Facebook event which invites people to celebrate Mike’s birthday by enjoying ice cream from wherever they are. People post their pictures on the event page. Each year we love looking at all the pictures and comments. It’s something I always look forward to and it makes the day all that much more positive, happy and extra special.

I can’t tell you how much those pictures of our friends and family remembering Mike mean to us. The texts and phone calls during the week as well. There is something so comforting about others not forgetting about him and making the effort to take time out of their day to celebrate and remember him.

Next year is his big 40th. I hope by then traveling is back to normal and we can spend it in Hawaii. But if not, I have learned something about myself this year. I will be ok. I can celebrate and remember Mike anywhere. Of course, the tradition and escape is great and always a blast. This year I learned our family can remember the old and make many new memories wherever we are. As each year passes I can’t say it gets easier but I can say I get stronger. There are more laughs and less tears.

This year I found myself feeling proud. Proud of my sons and how maturely and gracefully they handle the hard days. To them, they actually aren’t even hard, they are fun. Proud of myself for having the strength each year to make the hard days fun for them. Proud of my husband on earth and bonus son and daughter for always, without ever a hesitation, joining in the fun of celebrating Mike on his birthday each year.

I know Mike would be so proud of his sons, of me and of our family.

If I could share any piece of advice today… Remember the special days. If you know a friend is coming up on the birthday of a loss loved one, mention it. Send a text, a card, give a phone call. I promise it will mean more than you know and really brighten what could be a dark day.

To everyone who celebrated Mike’s 39th with us, Thank You!

Happy 39th Birthday, Mike. We love and miss you!