Sometimes we feel awkward around someone who has recently experienced a loss. We aren’t sure what to say.
We don’t want to say something that would make our loved one upset; we feel sad the person is experiencing such heartache; we are at a loss for words or sometimes stay distant all together to avoid the awkwardness.
I know, I’ve been there with friends and family that have experienced a loss. I just never knew what to say. “I’m sorry for your loss” seemed so cliche. I’m not sure why we get like this, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
There is something you can do that I can personally tell you will be comforting to that family member, friend, or even stranger that you are with that is grieving. It doesn’t even matter if their loss was days, months or years ago.
Say their name.
Talk about the person that is gone. Tell funny stories about him or her. Share your favorite memories. If something randomly reminds you of that person, share it. If you miss him or her, talk about it. When you do something in memory of that person share that too.
I love it when people talk about Mike and so do my boys. It doesn’t make us sad; it comforts us. It makes us happy and it makes us proud. It’s so important to keep the memories alive. It’s so important to create new memories too by telling stories we haven’t heard.
One of my many prayers for my boys is that their memories of their dad will always be fresh in their minds and never fade. I can’t do that on my own. I need the help of all those who knew their goofy dad.
Also, Listen.
Listen intently to the stories your grieving friend tells. There is something therapeutic and healing about sharing a memory. A lot of the time it may come to mind in the middle of a random conversation with someone because they did or said something that made your friend remember that person they miss. Let them share, listen and remember.
If you know the boys and I personally, say Mike’s name.
Talk about him with us.
Tell my boys stories they haven’t heard… keep it clean… at least for a few more years. If something you did or saw reminded you of Mike share it.
If you miss him, it’s okay to tell me. I miss him too.
