After my husband died I almost gave up. I almost threw in the towel so many times because it was too hard to face another day without him. The emotional pain gets to a point where it turns into physical pain. My body along with my heart couldn’t take anymore. I almost gave up on any chance to find happiness again. I almost gave up on any chance for my sons to have a healthy mom. I almost gave up on my faith. I almost gave up on love. And in all seriousness I wanted to die right along with Mike.

I almost gave up on life.

I almost packed up myself and my sons and moved away from everything that was in my face as a reminder of Mike’s death. I almost moved to Nevada to live out in the country by my parents to hide from the rest of the world.

I almost didn’t make my sons and myself go to therapy. I almost didn’t make any effort to attempt to begin the healing process of my broken heart and broken life.

I almost gave up on being a mom and wanted to send my sons to go live with my parents. I didn’t have the strength to take care of myself and had no clue how I was going to take care of them.

I almost didn’t listen to any advice from my closest friends who were telling me it was okay to open up my heart to the idea to love again.

I thank God for the almost.

Because if these almosts were absolutes then I wouldn’t be here today to write and share my story.

Chances are I wouldn’t be here period.

God gives us almosts in our lives to remind us that He is in control of all things.

My almosts have shown me that I need to continue to let Jesus take the wheel. When I try to drive myself I veer off the path and most definitely could find myself in a head on collision.

I thank God for the almost. I thank God that I almost gave up on love. Because if I would have absolutely given up on love I wouldn’t be having a celebration today.

Today I get to celebrate David, my husband on earth. Myself and our five children get to spoil him today on his birthday.

I almost didn’t get the chance. December 30th almost became just another day to attempt to walk through, while the tiny pieces of my broken heart continued to fall on the ground for me to crush with each step.

I almost didn’t get a chance to experience love again.

All these almosts make our love story and this day all that more special.

God gave me the almosts so I could have the absolutes.

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”

Proverbs 19:21