As I continue to be honest and vulnerable about my life, I want to tell you a little about myself prior to losing Mike.
I never viewed myself as judgmental. How naive I was.
As I mentioned before in Dear Me I totally thought I had it all together. Life was easy. I can now say that I was a know it all. Opinionated. Not proud of it. I figured I knew what was right and what was right for everyone else.
It is so easy to see that misbehaved child or teen and judge the parents and critique their parenting. It’s easy to look at another couple’s relationship and wonder why they are still together or maybe even be jealous of what may look like perfection.
It’s so easy to judge the choices your friends or family make and view them as a mistake because it may not be what you would choose.
It’s easy to judge those who are grieving and assume their smile means that they are happy.
After nearly 2 years of walking through certain life experiences, that I pray others will never encounter, I have realized that if I am not a part of their club of life experience then I have no business judging, giving advice or even forming my own opinion. If I am not a part of their club then I do not have any idea what those in that club are experiencing. If I am not a part of their club then how can I judge the decisions being made? If I am not a part of their club, then how can I try to run the meetings?
With all my heart, I pray that no one else will ever join my club. I don’t want to let anyone else in. No more widows and widowers of police officers allowed. No more young widows with children allowed. No more families losing their homes to a natural disaster allowed.
Unfortunately, more will join. Too many will join. It’s not fair.
I need to remember that there are many clubs that I am not a member of. And if I am not a member I cannot decide what their rules should be. I can’t judge whether or not the decisions members make are right or wrong because I have never walked in their shoes.
But I can listen. I can love. I can support. I can understand. And most importantly, I can pray.
I can pray for every member. I can pray that every decision they make is the right one, instead of deciding for myself.
