Too often there is a voice that tells me I’m not good enough. A critic that critiques my every decision in a negative way rather than positive. Someone who doubts I can really achieve that goal I am striving toward. I’m told I’m not creative enough or smart enough. Too self conscience about my worth and I believe the lies that no one really cares what I have to say.
The voice, that critic, that someone is me. In your own mind, it’s you. It’s our own selves.
We are our own worst enemy and all that negativity is lies.
Our minds are like a battlefield and Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. He’s armed and ready to steal our logical thinking, kill our ambition and destroy our goals. He creates uncertainty and doubt where it doesn’t belong, in our minds. He convinces us to be on the front lines of that battle. A battle with our own self, yet no battle can be won by a weak minded soldier.
I love what Exodus 14:14 says about this very battle. This verse was brought to my attention recently in a group Zoom meeting I attended. The New Living Translation says, “The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” The version of The Message says, “The Lord will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!” The Living Bible says, “The Lord will fight for you, and you won’t need to lift a finger!”
I don’t know about you, but what else do I need to convince myself that God has got this? He knows every insecurity I have in my head and is ready to battle until it’s gone. He is willing to fight for me and all I have to do is stay calm, keep my mouth shut and I don’t even have to lift a finger. Sounds pretty amazing, yet I keep trying to fight in the battlefield of my mind alone.
When I do that, I will never win.
Over the last three years writing has been one of my biggest outlets. It’s where I have had my best therapy sessions with myself. When I speak out loud I tend to forget what I really want to say, I don’t get the right point across or feel like I sound incompetent. I can’t delete, edit, revise or repeat in a better way the words that come out of my mouth, but I can do that when I write. I can take all the time in the world to get my feelings, my heart and my thoughts out.
Sometimes I even type out all of my feelings just to delete it all. It always feels like such a relief to get it all out. This is something I would highly recommend, especially if there are things you may not be ready to tell someone or maybe don’t know what to say. Also, it helps get all those bottled up emotions kept inside out and exposed, yet not for anyone else to see. It’s called a brain dump and it was something my therapist had me do in my first year after losing my husband.
When God laid it upon my heart to start sharing my writings with others I doubted myself. My mind became a battlefield and shots are still fired every now and then. I too often convince myself that no one cares to hear my story. Who am I to be sharing about grief with others?
Then God cracks open a door with new opportunities to share through this blog or speaking engagements. He fights in that battle of my mind for me and makes me continue to walk to my destination unharmed of sharing my story.
Recently, God swung open that door and pushed me through it. I stumbled over my own two feet on my way and I’m still not sure if I can stand up yet. The battle in my mind is telling me I am not strong enough. That I can’t do it and no one will be there on the other side to even care.
I know those are all lies, yet the enemy loves to try his best to convince me otherwise.
That open door has led me to team up with a Christian book publisher, editors and coaching team in order to begin the process of sharing my story of beauty from ashes though writing a book.
I’m nervous. I’m excited. I’m doubting myself.
The battlefield of my mind is a full blown warzone.
I have to keep reminding myself of what God says in Exodus. He’s got this. He will fight this battle. I just need to keep my mouth shut, be obedient to His calling and confidently walk through that door he swung open for me with one foot in front of the other instead of being a clumsy mess.
We all have to find our identities in Christ. When the enemy comes to battle we must remember to let God do the fighting so that he can reveal what He has planned for our lives. That plan of His may just be to help others in a way you never knew you could. He always works things out for the good of those who love Him.
