**This post is written by my husband on earth, David.**
At times life just really seems to beat you down. Lately, I have been in a funk, stuck in some sort of rut.
Just over a year ago our world was rocked by the news of the Coronavirus. Life from that point on has drastically changed for all of us. When it first hit and everything was shut down I was off work for a couple weeks before my line of work was deemed “essential”. Work as we knew it would look so different. Over a year later and after having worn a mask every day for 10+ hours in the cold, in extreme heat, in windy conditions, outside, inside, around 100+ people and all by myself,  it has taken a toll on not just me, but many others.
I have found that over this past year I have really allowed this virus to take control of my life in many ways. In some ways almost as an excuse to not do certain things and not live life to the fullest. It is okay to be cautious and safe in times like these, but it is not okay to allow this to change who we are. And that in many ways has happened to me.
Just a few weeks ago I ordered some new shades. I created the look I wanted online and added the small personal touch to the lenses you see in the picture. I did not do this to give off the perception of being a great guy, to please my wife and bonus sons, or even to receive praise for being so thoughtful. I do little things like these because I truly do care.
What I don’t care about is what others may think of me. What matters the most to me is showing my wife and bonus sons that their dad, her husband, will never be forgotten. Any small chance I get to honor Mike and remember him I try to capitalize on it.
Recently when I was praying I could not help but think about life while staring at my new shades. I could not help but think about what life would be like at this particular moment if I were to see things through the “lenses” of Mike. I have really struggled lately in many departments. I have struggled in trying to find ways to help my wife through her bad days. How to help her juggle the craziness at home. I have struggled with how to discipline and how to help my bonus sons excel in their lives, especially through Covid-19 and knowing how much of a stress and burden it has put on all 5 of my kids.
I wish that I knew all of their pain, all that they are thinking and exactly what to do in helping them through the good times and the bad. But the truth is I don’t. I have come to realize I will never fully know it all and that is okay.
I still pray that I can see my wife and bonus sons through the “lenses” of Mike’s vision. I pray that I see his love for them, because I know it was so deep and so different. I pray that I see how he encouraged them and how he disciplined. I pray that I see how he loved all three of them.
I admit, it is a regular occurrence to struggle in this department. At times I feel like I have it down, then it all falls apart.
I know I am not alone in my struggles. I know there are many of you dealing with your own struggles day in and day out. What I have found to be of the most help is not being afraid to accept help and advice from others. Especially through scripture and God’s teachings. Accept the fact that you cannot simply meander through your struggles alone.
That is why I pray each morning.
Mike, I want to see your wife and your sons through your eyes. Help me understand, remember, and have the empathy needed in every situation. To remind me that they are much more fragile. They have so many scars and wounds most of us do not. To know that they all still deal with loss and grief in their own unique ways.
April may be my wife on earth, and Josh and Jason my sons on earth now, but they are forever yours. I just pray to see them through your lenses in order to better take care of them, to better love on them, to help them through times I cannot comprehend. And most of all, help them always remember you and make you proud.