I find it very comforting to talk with other widows, young and old. I enjoy learning from their experiences and sharing mine, in hopes to gain some of their wisdom.
Not too long after Mike died I met with my friend’s mom. She lost her husband, also a police officer, when she was in her thirties. She had two young sons. One of her little boys is my friend, who is now in his forties, but when his dad died he was eight. His brother was only six.
She gave me a lot of advice that I have found so valuable. She shared with me many things that she wished she would have done with or for her boys when their dad died. She also shared with me many things that she is so very happy that she did with her boys.
There is one thing, especially, that she was so thankful she did and her sons will tell you the same. I really took her words to heart and promised myself and the boys that we would do the same.
Each year she and her boys would sneak away together on a vacation. Throughout the year they took little weekend trips here and there, but once a year this particular trip was a big one. Sometimes a cruise, Hawaii or another state or country they wanted to explore. Most importantly, it was a special trip together to honor her husband, their dad. A special trip to get away from everything and share special memories they have and make new ones.
I loved this advice she gave me and decided I was going to do this too.
For my 30th birthday Mike took me to Maui. This was one of his favorite places. We also went there on our honeymoon. In October of 2016, Mike was turning 35. We had plans to celebrate in Maui.
He never made it to 35 and he and I never made it to Maui again.
It didn’t take me long to know exactly where the boys’ and my first trip together, just the 3 of us, to honor Mike, would be. Maui for his 35th birthday! This was my first time away with the boys by myself since Mike had died. I was scared and nervous to travel alone, but I knew we desperately needed to escape for that week. The trip was pretty amazing. No agenda, just the boys and I walking where their dad walked so many times. I loved sharing all of his favorite places with them. The boys planned what we did on their dad’s birthday. The exact Luau he loved going to and a special ice cream parlor was their plan and it made for a perfect day.
In 2017, we continued the tradition and spent Mike’s 36th birthday back in Maui. We reminisced from the year prior and made even more new memories. Once again, the boys planned Mike’s birthday activities. We went on a very muddy ATV tour, dinner at a restaurant Mike loved and of course, ice cream for dessert.
It was even a little sweeter that year because half way through the trip we had a visitor fly in and join us in the celebration. We shared with him Mike’s favorite places. We took him to the new spots that the boys and I discovered the previous year. We also discovered new places and went on exciting adventures with him. He made our trip even sweeter.
Here we are now, 2018, and Mike’s 37th birthday was last week. We decided to keep our same tradition of going to Hawaii for Mike’s birthday, yet decided to explore the island of Oahu. We also took the whole family. All 6 of went and even David’s parents came too. Of course, the boys planned Mike’s special day. It started with a jeep tour through the jungle, a stop at the Dole Plantation, a very yummy dinner and you guessed it… ice cream for dessert!
It was a very special week. Many traditions were honored and many new memories were made. As always, my husband on earth made another day that could have very hard for me very happy instead.
And as crazy as it is traveling with 4 kids, we all had a blast on our first big family vacation together while honoring and remembering Mike together all at the same time.
I am so thankful for the honest and real advice I am given from wise women in my life who have already walked in my shoes. This is one tradition I am proud that we started and I will always look forward to it each and every year.
