There’s so much that changed in my world when I lost my husband. The tiniest memory would trigger my tears and I learned that grief is a process that has no timeline.
Our simplest routines changed drastically. It felt like a slap in the face as each routine just served as a reminder of the reality that my husband was gone.
A family dinner on a Tuesday night made my heart skip a beat and my chest grow tight. His empty chair at the table stared back at me. Grocery shopping, buying his favorite foods out of habit, then coming home to realize he’s not there to eat them made me cry. Filling out paperwork for my children and having to put deceased next to the line that says Father made me angry. One less person to buy Christmas gifts for. Mail that continues to show up addressed to my husband. Less laundry to wash, fewer dishes to do, sitting alone at a school assembly, surrounded by couples….every change in my normal took a toll on my heart and emotions.
Most people don’t even realize these ordinary things continue to be incredibly painful when you’ve lost a loved one.
Watching everyone else go about their normal, everyday routines when I was fighting to not lose my sanity… It made me feel like you take it all for granted.
So, cherish the mundane.
Cherish the routines. Cherish the fact that you have your husband’s stinky clothes to wash and all those dishes in the sink. Because God forbid your grocery bill becomes smaller, you have less laundry to do and fewer dishes in the sink. I wish I would have never, ever complained about the ordinary and just enjoyed the fact that all my loved ones were together to annoy each other through it all.
